Dada, my magical brother,
Days, months and years are passing by...as I try to figure out why I'm getting lonelier by the moments...Is it me, or is this how life is supposed to be? I remember the times I encouraged you saying things in stark contrast of what I'm beginning to believe now...Is this the world for real? Is everyone going to stick to me only as long as I fulfil their whims and fancies? As long as I work at their beck and call? Will I be loved only if I fall at people's feet and stop questioning?
How long can I go with saying "NO" to all conventions Dada? I have definitely realized that my soul, my beliefs and my character are not just idealogically unconventional but completely out of place....which is probably why I feel sidelined in what I call "home" and feel lonely among those I call "friends"....
People suppress my whys dada....Im laughed at..Im scorned...My arguments for fair treatment are shoved off the shoulder as a teenage breakdown....But has life left me a teenager dadu? I feel exhausted at my "bloom"....Coz I seem to be blossoming into a decaying flower...which is shedding its petals with every storm.....Where emotions have turned their backs on me very comfortably....I confide in deaf minds...I hope of melting frozen hearts....My impossible dreams are reaching a new zenith of impossibility...And I dont know where it ends...
Im holding together bits of relationships that I really dont want to lose....But which are keen to abandon me....Im turning to people who have pushed me below their lowest of priorities...Im begging for a kind look and a warm embrace....
I need a recluse....Some calm and solace.....To gaze into the delights of life and fill my soul with fresh hopes....To live for myself....But...as easy and rational as that sounds...It is the most difficult thing in the world....I disagree to people who say you live only for yourself....When you turn at the last bend of life....your fears speak of what your loved ones would lose,not your aspirations....they will hold you back in the hope of someone's love, not to achieve a goal or a career....
It is difficult at this juncture to decide what I want to do with my life....I know I am burdening your tired and parched thoughts with my meaningless expression...But at the end of the day...I have to turn to my shadow for a place to hide....
Faint feelings
Sis...
